Three Time's A Charm

“Three time's a charm,”  said one of the grooms.  That will probably only be said for one couple I have married…Lerrick and Oliver.

I created and officiated at their commitment ceremony, their civil union ceremony, and finally their legal marriage ceremony.  Fortunately, no other couple I work with will have to have three ceremonies.  Marriage equality is on the near horizon, and one ceremony will make it legal.

Working with Oliver and Lerrick has been a joy in large measure because they wanted meaningful and ritual-filled ceremonies.  And also because they are truly warm and totally charming people.

Lerrick and Oliver asked me to create their commitment ceremony in 2006.  It was a major, large wedding event…rich in ritual and family participation.  We worked together to incorporate three traditional Philippine wedding traditions in that ceremony.  Honored sponsors completed rituals incorporating coins, a cord, and a veil pinned to their shoulders.   The music was stunning, selected by the musician Lerrick.  The setting at Oakside Mansion in Bloomfield, NJ, was beautiful.  Lerrick and Oliver were emotional and serious.  They were surrounded by three generations of loving family.  It was an amazing magical day.

 

 

Two years later, NJ made civil unions legal, so Lerrick and Oliver had their second ceremony back at Oakside Mansion.  This time is was the two of them and two witnesses.  They said the same vows again…holding their wedding rings over their hearts.  The ritual for this ceremony was informal.  Everyone present picked sayings out of a bowl…sayings about what makes for a good marriage.  We read them in turn as we stood in a circle.  The civil union license was signed, and they were officially in a legally recognized relationship.  But it was not marriage.

 

 

With the legalization of same sex marriage in NJ,  Lerrick and Oliver once again stood before witnesses and family on March 16, 2014.  They said the same vows a third time as they held their rings over their hearts again.   The ritual for this ceremony was handfasting.  They picked four colors that had meaning for them, and two siblings and two in-laws “tied the knot.”   I said some of the same words for the third time and some words for the first time.    The words I said for the first time were the ones they had wanted to hear all along.  "By the power vested in me by the State Of New Jersey, you are now married - each as husband to the other."  With cheers and applause…and some tears…Lerrick and Oliver now enjoy the full legal rights of a married couple.

For each of their ceremonies, Lerrick and Oliver wore their traditional Philippine ceremonial shirts, barong tagalong, as you can see in the pictures.  They gave me a preserved orchid after their original commitment ceremony day which I kept and wore it at each of their successive ceremonies.  Now I can retire the orchid…their ceremonies are complete.  “Three time's a charm”...indeed.